Sexy in Lycra Part III

Welcome to Part III of the Sexy in Lycra and other benefits of triathlon series. (Part I, Part II) This time we will discuss the different species of triathletes that dwell in our community. As you read through the list, don’t be surprised if one of these species of triathlete is you.

 

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1. Fuel Belt Batman 

Fuel Belt Batman stalks the local jogging paths, equipped for any situation that may arise. Extra water in little tiny bottles? Check. 16 gels holstered neatly?  Check. Cellphone, Tazer, Can Opener, and Pocket Fisherman? Check. Fuel Belt Batman may be only be running three miles today, but he is ready for action. After the run, the Fuel Belt can double as a Dive Belt.

 

2. Amateur Al Roker Al-Roker-900-600

Amateur Al’s race is still ten days away, but he insists on trusting the long range forecasts. He has consulted ten weather sites, poured over the data, and has determined that the worst weather since Noah built the Ark, will happen on race day. Don’t buy into the hype. Like most weathermen Amateur Al is only right 30% of the time.

 

3. Robo Athlete (Cousin of Fuel Belt Batman) 

Robo Athlete’s motto is “if I can’t track it it didn’t happen.” He/she can been seen on the bike with a bike computer, power meter, gps watch, iphone app, heart rate monitor, and maybe a portable weather station. When Robo Athlete gets back to his lair, he analyzes the data for hours. Formulates complex excel sheets to explain the 5 watts missing from his normalized power. Could the cause be the weight of all of the devices?

4. Age Group Result Stalker AGRS

“Hi I’m Joe, and I’m an Age Group Stalker.” The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. The Age Group Result Stalker (AGRS) lurks among us. They look like normal people, but they hide a dark secret. Before and after each race they obsess over age group results. The AGRS will stalk the Athlinks profile of all the racers that finished before them. They will keep a mental FBI  style folder on each of those people for future reference. Next time you meet someone new at the start line, they may already know everything about you.

5. Mid-Pack Sprinter Pipped

The finish line is 200 yards away, and you are getting the pose ready for that perfect finish photo. Just as you are about to cross the line, the guy you passed walking half a mile ago, comes by in a full sprint, and collapses after the line. You just got Mid-Pack Sprinted! He could not let that dream of 37th place go. I know we are all out there to race, but if you aren’t sprinting for the podium, be cool, and let others have their moment at the finish line.

 

Like this post? Check out Sexy in Lycra Part I & Part II

photo credit: Ben Lawson via photopin cc

photo credit: Surat Lozowick via photopin cc

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11 thoughts on “Sexy in Lycra Part III”

      1. I’ve only got a bare bones wireless computer now – Average Speed, Current Speed, Clock, Trip and Odo… but I was using an iPhone with the Lifeproof case and stem mount for quite a while, with the Endomondo Pro GPS app (I also have the arm band for my Lifeproof iPhone). I’ve also used the Bike Fast Fit app and I regularly refer to the Bike Repair app for direction when it comes to wrenching on my bikes.

        I got so bogged down in the data that it started to take away from actually enjoying the fact that I was on my bike so I threw it all to the wayside for the computer.

        Now, the computer is a bit of a necessity because I have a problem with blowing groups up… I get to the front and start a two mile, 24 mph pull and guys drop like flies… By the time I’m ready for someone else to pull, there’s only one or two guys left. I need the current speed to keep a lid on my enthusiasm. It’s a good problem to have.

        Liked by 1 person

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